How to Deal with Grief of Losing a Pet
Grief is complicated and one of the most powerful emotions we experience in our lives. I often call it a cluster emotion: once activated, it releases a torrent of unprocessed, buried feelings and wounds from our previous experiences – ones we may have forgotten were there. It can be quite shocking to the system. Grief shows us what we have been hiding from ourselves.
Animals have a way of reaching us on profound levels, sometimes much deeper than humans can. We tend to let animals get much closer to us in very intimate and personal ways, perhaps because they consistently offer unconditional love – something we all need. It’s the one gift we allow ourselves to receive.
When our animal companions pass, nothing can prepare us for the level of grief we experience, especially if it’s our first encounter with losing a pet. No one can tell us how to grieve; it originates from within our very soul. My way to grieve may look and feel entirely different than yours. And that’s okay.
When my little Westie, Button, suddenly passed at only 4 years old, I immediately fell into a very dark space. My grief included anger, guilt, despair, hopelessness, extreme sadness, fear, insecurity and more. And it hit me like a ton of bricks. All the unhealed emotions surrounding my chaotic childhood and loss of my parents came to visit me with a vengeance. When my children were at school, I would literally wail and moan from deep within my broken heart. I had loved her completely; she had filled a huge void in my heart, and now it was cracked open. But what I would learn from the animals was that when our hearts crack open, we have even more capacity to love.
Coping with Pet Loss
When we lose a pet, we often lose our ability to cope with anything and everyone! Death tears the web of reality, creating a new normal we didn’t anticipate. It’s especially important to be extra kind toward ourselves as we try to find our way after losing a pet.
Allow yourself to be sad or cry or be angry. So many emotions are active during this time; it’s important not to pack them away to avoid feeling. Grief can be a powerfully cleansing process, bringing up old, unhealed wounds that are trying to surface and be released. It can feel overwhelming and too much at once!
Keeping a daily journal to record your thoughts and feelings can be especially helpful. Your inner voice wants to be acknowledged and heard; your heart wants to speak. This will help you feel more grounded, centered, and in tune with yourself.
Share your feelings with someone you trust, someone who knew your pet, or even someone who simply loves animals and would understand. Connection with others and sharing our stories helps us to not feel alone in our grief.
And when we access the memories through the stories we tell, we immediately connect back to the love we shared with our pets who have passed. We discover they are still within our heart’s reach, where they have always lived.
How to Connect with Your Deceased Pet
Death is seen as a final chapter – an ending forever. When our pets pass, we feel disconnected and cut off. We long to feel, see, touch them just one more time.
Much like a storm that has made landfall, grief settles in, making itself at home in our entire being. And even if we seek shelter from the storm, it finds us in every corner of our heart.
“Once connected, all ways connected.” No matter what the circumstances, you can’t undo your relationship with your pet, nor can you ever be cut off. The heart connection is yours to keep forever.
While grief is a natural response to loss, it weighs us down, ultimately blocking the feeling of connection we once had with our pet. The good news is even while our heart storm rages, there are things we can do to connect with them:
Build a connection with your pet by dropping into your heart space and feeling the warmth of the shared love. If you continue to put your attention there, you will feel warmth and expansion. Imagine your pet in that space, allowing the feeling to grow stronger. Practice this several times a day to strengthen the connection.
Focus on the life you had with them! Our pets in spirit don’t want us to ruminate on how they passed; they want us to focus on the best of their lives with us!
Raise your vibration by remembering the qualities that made them special! What nicknames did they go by? What funny things did they do? What gifts did they share with you? What are your favorite memories – the ones that make you smile?
Write your pet a letter. Begin with this: “Dear (name), I love you and want you to know …” and let the words flow. Let your heart fill with gratitude for the amazing connection. The energy will build as memories start flooding in. Know that your pet is with you helping you remember.
Create a pet memorial with meaningful items, such as an urn, collars, favorite toys, photos. Personal items carry your pet’s energy and are a wonderful way to memorialize a pet. Spend a few moments every day in front of the memorial and you will feel the presence of your pet’s spirit.
While you may feel your pet is gone forever, trust that the heart connection with your pet is the channel through which all communication comes. And that can never die.