If You Don’t Like Something, Change It

That’s just the way it is; some things will never change. ~Bruce Hornsby and the Range

Most of us have a love/hate relationship with change. On the one hand, we say we want it and are tired of the way things are — our jobs, our relationships, our lives. But instead of really doing anything about it, we talk to our friends ad nauseam, lamenting, “If only things were different, I would ….” Some of us spend our entire lives window-shopping for the perfect life — the one we imagine in our heads, the one we see on TV or in movies. It is a slick trade-off, for it allows us to keep a safe distance from the one thing we know must happen if we truly want our lives to be different. We must take action rather than just think about or hope for it.

What a conundrum! When we get close to real change, our knees start knocking, and we do the backward tap dance. As Michael Singer states in The Untethered Soul, “Change involves challenging what is familiar to us and daring to question our traditional needs for safety, comfort and control. This is often perceived as a painful experience.”

Who wants pain, right?

I personally have encountered change in two primary ways: change that has occurred because of outside forces (people or events), and change that has occurred based on inner decisions that I have made and acted upon. Sometimes the two overlap and blur into one.

I have become good at what I call “pivoting,” which is a technique I use to switch gears quickly when life changes to something other than what I think should be happening. Rather than argue with reality, I see that the moment has changed and immediately turn my attention in the direction of the change. In other words, I don’t waste time resisting or wailing that things shouldn’t be this way; instead, I turn toward however life is presenting itself in the moment. This takes practice, as most of us are not used to surrendering to the moment. But it is a quick technique that alleviates a ton of suffering.

The other kind of change, the kind brought forth by an inner desire and decision, is a little harder sometimes for me. I tend to take a relational approach by working with a situation in every possible way before I will actually take steps to change it on an outer level. This has worked well with some things and not so much with others. My hesitancy can drag things out longer than needed. While I try to see all change as positive, there is a part of me that fears it at the same time. Change can feel like jumping out of a plane with no parachute, but you damn sure hope there is a safety net somewhere below.

How do you approach change? What holds you back?

At the end of the day, every time I have stepped up to make a decision, every time I have faced the fear of change, I have been glad I did it. Even if it has rumbled my world and shaken my nerves, I have grown in ways I never dreamed possible. It takes courage and a belief in yourself to take action steps. My goal every day is to take action steps that are supportive and congruent with the person I am and the one I’m becoming.

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You can find out more about me by visiting tamihendrix.com.